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Getting To The Sweet Spot Of Your Marriage

Monday, October 18, 2021 • Matt Loehr • Marriage Advice
For a marriage to last it must go through four stages: romance, real life, resignation or restoration, and rekindle/reanimate.
Getting To The Sweet Spot Of Your Marriage

An article titled 35 Stunning Stats for 2021, stated that the average length of a marriage in the US is 8.2 years. It also said the rate of divorce after 10 years is 48%. It continued on with the statistic that “gray divorce” rates have risen dramatically over the last 30 years. Since 1990, when less than 10% of divorces were couples over 50 years of age, according to an article in Kiplinger, the count has risen to nearly 25% of divorces being “gray divorces.”

There is a lot of philosophy and speculation as to why marriages end in divorce. For some, focusing on the why, leaves the option of excuse open. Focusing on the how crowds out excuses to make room for improvement.

CS Lewis said, “Often the best half of a marriage is the second half, if only you could get there.” So how can we safeguard our marriage for the long haul and make it past half-time to third and fourth quarter?

For a marriage to last it must go through four stages: romance, real life, resignation or restoration, and rekindle/reanimate.

 

  • Romance – The romance stage (also known as the honeymoon stage) typically lasts anywhere from weeks to a couple of years. This is the stage where you are still infatuated with the person you fell in love with and married. Things that annoy you about others are cute when your spouse does them. You are certain that the struggles others have will not bring you down because love conquers all!
  • Real life – Things your spouse does that were once cute are now annoying. Somewhere along the path you have discovered that your goals, ideals, and thought processes are not on the same page, and sometimes not even in the same book. Throw in sleepless nights due to a kid (or two), stress from your job, unexpected financial strain, continual family drama, and you’re smack dab in the middle of real life.
  • Resignation/Restoration – At this point, what you do will make or break the course of your marriage. When processing through this stage, it is important to remember a few key things. Firstly, if the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence, perhaps it is because you are not watering, feeding, and weeding your own grass. Secondly, if you end your marriage at this point, statistics say that you are 2.5 times more likely to experience a repeat in the second marriage. Thirdly, the difference between resigning and re-signing is a simple dash. When the rubber meets the road in your marriage, the dash will set you apart from the status quo. So, make the commitment to press on to stage 4.
  • Rekindle/Reanimate – This stage may be hard work, but it can be even more fun than the initial romance stage! Find renewed joy in each other. Reconnect with memories. Play together. Remember what drew you to each other. Use each other’s differences to challenge and strengthen your relationship. Tag team. Find a godly ally to mentor you and hold you accountable. Hang out with other couples who have healthy marriages.

 

When faced with the choice of resigning or re-signing, apart from limited few situations, choosing to make marriage not just a lifetime commitment, but a joyous one is always the right choice. Don’t stop short of the goal. Make this next season your best season.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate -Mk 10:9.

 

Restore your hope. Rekindle your love. Refresh your marriage. Let us help. Learn more here.

 

Scriptures: Mark 10:9

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