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Marriage: His role to love and lead. Her role to respect and help.

Monday, March 7, 2022 • Matt Loehr • Marriage Advice
Biblical reminders for a lifetime of wedded bliss.
Marriage: His role to love and lead. Her role to respect and help.

When looking for a spouse or planning to get married, we often listen to and read a lot of things on what to look for in a spouse, how to find a spouse, and what to do once you have a spouse. This topic is at the forefront of our minds because it is a God-given desire and goal. Once we have ‘sealed the deal’ so to speak, it can become easy to settle into autopilot and coast along in our marriage. Keeping the same passion to get it right and do it right that we had before marriage should remain at the forefront because it is the only thing that will ensure a lifetime of wedded bliss. So here are a few timeless reminders for one of the most important relationships you have! 


For husbands:

Love her as yourself (Eph 5:28)
Do you love your wife as though she were a member of your own body – perhaps your favorite member if you could pick one? That is what God is calling you to do.

Cherish her (Eph 5:29)
The word cherish seems almost a forgotten word of the past. What does it even mean? Paraphrased from Webster: to protect, pamper, polish, and provide. Think about your favorite possessions (car, guns, golf clubs) and how you treat them. Do you polish and pamper them? Are protective of them? Do you treat your wife in the same manner (or better) than your precious possessions?

Be delighted in her (Prov 5:18)
When you first began getting to know each other and got married, the overwhelming romance you experienced together was one of life’s greatest blessings. It was the very flame of God (Song of Sol 8:6), a sacred fire that He ignited in you for your joy and His glory. As you have matured and settled into life together, you have dreamed, set goals, and possibly began building a family of your own. You have encountered countless trials and joys together. All these things are designed to allow that intimate flame to burn brighter and more passionately than ever, your youthful romance ever budding into a beautiful template of an eternal love story between Christ and His bride (Eph 5:31-32). Delight in and fight for this.

Be her spiritual leader (1 Cor 11:3)
The extent that you invest in your wife spiritually will determine the legacy you will leave behind together. Invest in her. Encourage and support her to be all that God has called her to be.

Be humble and gentle with her (Eph 4:2)
During conflict, it is easy for your heart to be self-consumed and unable to see beyond its own opinions and perspective. God opposes the proud, and so will your wife! Be gentle and humble in the way you handle her heart.

For wives:

Respect him (Eph 5:33)
You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice –Emerson Eggerichs.

When you respect your husband, you give him the courage to be the leader God called him to be. Respecting him is like putting wings on him to soar to new heights with you and God.

Do not put him to shame with your actions or words (Prov 19:14, Prov 12:4)
Think before you speak. Speak well of him to your friends and family. Praise in public, and if you must criticize, do so in private with gentleness and wisdom. Consider how your actions reflect on him.

Trust him to be your spiritual leader (Eph 5:22-23)
You are his helpmate, not his Holy Spirit. Trust that in the same way God is growing and teaching you, He is growing and teaching him. Be patient and prayerful. Prayer is way more powerful than pressuring!

Truly love him (1 Cor 13:4-7)
Corinthians chapter 13 gives powerful and practical wisdom on how to love. Read it in multiple versions and memorize it. Put those principles into practice in your marriage.

Be trustworthy and praiseworthy (Prov 31:11, 28)
Honor and care for your husband in a way that makes him proud to have you by his side and in his life in both public and private. Embrace and highlight the beauty of your home and life. Offer generous grace. Walk in humility toward him and others. Spend your time and finances wisely. Be faithful in the emotional and physical sense.


If you would like to learn more about strengthening your marriage, click here.

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