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7 Mistakes Couples Make That Destroy Their Marriages

Thursday, April 08, 2021 • Matt Loehr • Marriage - Advice
Marriage is work, but it's worth it.
7 Mistakes Couples Make That Destroy Their Marriages

Couples are hurting. COVID-19 restrictions and financial fears have pushed many already-stressed marriages to the breaking point. There's no doubt: marriage is work - but it's worth it. As a long-time marriage mentor who has trained thousands of others on how to save marriages, these are the top seven "mistakes" I see couples make over and over again. They may seem like little things initially, but they can add up to big-time pain in your marriage.


  1. Follow Your Emotions

Emotions are not to be trusted but managed. 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

  1. Lean On A 'Friend'
    At face value, it doesn't seem threatening, but if that friend isn't biblically minded, you are in deep trouble. 

1 Corinthians 15:33  Do not be deceived: "Bad company ruins good morals."

  1. Think The Grass IS Greener

It's not. When you climb out of a marriage, your mess follows you. Cow pies are hidden in the deep grass. Fix the marriage you are in and thrive. 

Philippians 4:11-12 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

  1. Think Your Kids Will Thrive After Your Divorce

Research proves otherwise. Divorce impacts their grades, depression, anger, insecurities, self-image, trust and ability to cope with their own life. Most barely survive and some will possibly thrive but research paints a darker image. Trust me, I have counseled many casualties (children) caught in the crossfire. 

Deuteronomy 11:19 You shall teach them (God's ways) to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

  1. Tune Out God's Voice

Christians should reflect a much different statistic regarding the divorce rate. People should listen to God directly, through scripture, from a pastor and a Godly friend. By all means, please don't tune out God's voice. 

James 4:8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. 

  1. Find Support On Social Media

Social media can be "Satan's playground." Not a good idea. You will find countless people to support you, your desires, and add to your pain - but not direct you toward truth. It's rare that anyone on social media will say "Hey, turn to God and try to save your marriage." Often, lonely husbands or wives find a new lover online. It all goes downhill from there.

1 Peter 5:8  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

  1. Shut Down

I get it. Shutting down can be normal. It does however, come across as "hostile" to your mate. Avoid shutting down and learn how to 'round the bases' with a loving and respectful approach. Talk it out. Face it. Then fix it.  

Acts 28:25-27 And when they did not agree with one another, they began leaving after Paul had spoken one parting word, "The Holy Spirit rightly spoke through Isaiah the prophet to your fathers, saying, 'Go to this people and say, "You will keep on hearing, but will not understand; And you will keep on seeing, but will not perceive; For the heart of this people has become dull, And with their ears they scarcely hear, And they have closed their eyes; Otherwise they might see with their eyes, And hear with their ears, And understand with their heart and return,

And I would heal them."'

Do you want REAL help for your marriage?

If you need help, get it. 

Try pairing up with a godly couple for 10 weeks to help you. 

These couples are trained in marriage mentoring. They know how to love you, encourage you, tackle your deepest issues, and inspire both husband and wife to action. Join our movement saving marriages across the country. Your kids are worth it. Click here to sign up today. 

Do you desire to HELP struggling marriages around you?

We are seeking godly marriage mentors and churches who desire to help marriages thrive. You can learn more by participating in my live webinar on launching a "Weekend Marriage Revolution for Your Church." Registration details are here. Or visit our website to learn more about our marriage mentoring process. 


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