Sheri’s Story: The Emotional Tug-of-War

Sheri sat alone in a coffee shop, staring out the window with a storm of emotion swirling inside her. She had been married for nearly twenty years to a good man, but their relationship had grown routine. At work, Jim—a charming, attentive coworker—made her feel noticed and appreciated. His kind words and laughter stirred something in her that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Though she loved God and her husband, Sheri found herself looking forward to her interactions with Jim. Eventually, she began hoping to see him throughout the day, her emotional connection deepening—and with it, a growing dissatisfaction in her marriage. One day, sipping the foam off her mocha, she wondered: Could these feelings be a sign from God?

Sheri was confused, caught in a mental tug-of-war. She wondered if her feelings for Jim were a sign from God. In her confusion, she lost all sense of her perspective and thought that her feelings for Jim were God telling her to divorce her husband and pursue Jim.

Her emotions whispered promises that contradicted what she knew was right. What got her into this predicament? Feelings.

The Truth About Feelings

Feelings aren’t good or bad—they just are. They arise from thoughts, experiences, or circumstances. Emotions like desire, anger, loneliness, and hope are part of being human. The key question isn’t “What are you feeling?” but “What will you do with what you’re feeling?”

Maybe your issues aren’t marriage related but you have very strong feelings that seem to control your life. Maybe you struggle with overwhelming feelings of loneliness. Maybe it’s bitterness from wounds from those close to you. Some struggle with feelings of insecurity regarding their appearance or their less-than-adequate bank account. The list goes on and on as Satan tries to destroy us with our own mind, our thoughts and our feelings.

Should you follow your feelings? Trust them? Let them lead you?

No.
No.
And again, no.

Feelings should not lead you; they must be processed through wisdom, truth, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, emotions like anger can lead to destruction, attraction can lead to regret, and depression can keep you trapped.

Satan loves to manipulate our thoughts and feelings to destroy us from within. But God offers a better way. In this segment we’ll look at the first warning about feelings—and the first blessing that comes when we follow God's truth instead.

Warning #1: Never Trust Your Feelings

Blessing #1: Trusting God Brings Protection

Proverbs 3:5-6 says,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Your feelings are often exaggerated, reactive, and misleading. Trusting them can lead to regret. Trusting God, however, leads to peace and clarity. When you’re tempted to act on emotion, instead:

• Take the high road—choose kindness, mercy, love, and forgiveness.
• Stand on God's truth and authority.
• Live with integrity, holiness, and purpose.

I once counseled a man who severed a long-standing friendship after a minor disagreement. In the heat of emotion, he acted impulsively. I asked him, “Where in the bible does it instruct you to cut a Godly man out of your life over a minor disagreement?” He smiled and said “Nowhere”.  He got caught up in his own feelings and allowed them to lead his decisions. Eventually, he reached out to his friend and reconciled.

Not every story leads to reconciliation. There are people we need to distance ourselves from. That’s not the point. The point is, rarely should we allow our feelings to control us or lead us to big decisions. Our feelings are not to be trusted.

God’s commands often oppose our feelings: Forgive others. Love those who hurt you. Offer grace to those who don’t deserve it. These aren’t easy commands to follow. You might be thinking “How?”. How can I follow these biblical commands? The answer: by allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you. Yielding your mind, thoughts and feelings over to the Holy Spirit will allow you to find freedom. The key? Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Don’t let feelings rule you, but rather let Christ rule your feelings.

Four Pillars for Following Christ Over Feelings

When emotions run high, it can be easy to lose direction. But these four pillars can help you stay grounded and faithful:

1. Choose the High Road
Let your life reflect kindness, mercy, love, and forgiveness—even when it’s hard.

2. Stand on God’s Truth
Align your decisions with God’s Word and authority, not fleeting emotions.

3. Walk in Integrity
Live a life marked by holiness, repentance, and moral courage.

4. Live with Purpose
Keep your eyes on the bigger picture—your God-given mission.

Warning #2: Your Feelings Are Often Selfish

Blessing #2: Putting Others First Brings Healing

Journal your emotions, and you’ll notice a pattern—most feelings center around you: your pain, your wants, your frustration. Culture often encourages self-focus with phrases like “It’s my time now,” but this mindset can lead to spiritual isolation and emotional instability.

Unchecked, this self-centeredness can drift into narcissism. And platforms like social media often validate these feelings, giving false comfort through shallow affirmation.

God’s antidote? Serve others.

Serve your spouse, family, neighbors, church, and even strangers. Jesus modeled servanthood, and so did my parents. As a child, I watched them open their home to the homeless and visit prisons and nursing homes regularly. My dad would challenge us to shake every hand and learn every name—teaching us that dignity and healing come through humility.

When we focus on the needs of others, healing mysteriously comes to us. Somehow, God tends to our needs as we tend to the needs of others. It’s a bit of a mystery how it happens, but it does. I rarely find a person who has succumbed to their feelings when they are out serving others. It seems like those who serve tend to walk with an extra skip in their step or a sense of joy in their life. Is it because they have it better than you? No. Is it because they are without troubles? No. It’s simple, serving redirects our emotions from self-pity to purpose.

Let me share a poem that impacted me as a teenager. I’ve never found the original, so here’s my attempt to recreate it from memory:

The Weed

I woke up in the flower garden one day,
Utterly full of anger and dismay.
The roses were stealing my sunlight,
The lilies robbing my line of sight.
The carnations drank all the water,
The tulips only grew broader.

"Get out of my way!" I screamed in vain,
Demanding my rights, focusing on my pain.
Back and forth I argued each day—
But they ignored me, come what may.

Then rain fell early one morning, indeed,
I saw my reflection...
And realized—I was just a weed.

Conclusion: It’s better to give than to receive. And it’s far better to be pruned than to wither in pride.

The Danger of Acting Fast — Wait on the Lord Before You Move

Warning #3: Your Feelings Rush You Into Harm

Blessing #3: Delaying Your Response Brings Wisdom

Psalm 27:14 reminds us:
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Most of our worst decisions are made in emotional distress. Our feelings rush us into harm’s way.

That’s when we quit jobs, end marriages, spend impulsively, or say things we regret. We make choices that carry long-term consequences. We overindulge in food that harms our bodies. We self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, pornography, or anything else that promises comfort but delivers destruction. It all stems from unchecked emotions—and they can lead us deep into the wilderness.

My advice is simple: STOP. Take a deep breath. Wait three or four days. Maybe longer.
When you’re hurt, tempted, or angry—do nothing. Say nothing. Buy nothing. Wait. Seek godly counsel. Give God space to speak before you act.

I struggle with this one myself. I'm impatient by nature and want to fix things now. Waiting on the Lord is hard for me. “I’ve got this!” is how my mind works. One hundred percent of the time “I don’t have this.” My wife Pam is the opposite. She is patient and prayerful—always inviting God into the process. Through her example, I’ve learned the beauty of waiting.

Have you ever heard the expression “Ready, fire, aim”? That’s exactly what a person does when they allow their feelings to lead them. It’s not a wise life strategy and it’s exhausting. Waiting upon the Lord can be one of our greatest challenges, but it offers the greatest reward.

A young man I knew, John, fell into this trap. Lonely and longing for companionship, he started dating a woman who didn’t share his values. Though he knew better, his feelings overruled his faith. The relationship pulled him away from God, brought pain, and left him empty. All because he didn't wait.

Don't make big decisions in weak moments. Pause. Seek God's wisdom. Wait until peace—not pressure—guides you.

Final Thoughts

Your feelings aren’t the enemy—but they are a terrible master.

When they shout, STOP.
When they demand, WAIT.
When they promise, QUESTION.
When they deceive, TRUST GOD.

Three Warnings:

1. Never trust your feelings.
2. Your feelings are often selfish.
3. Your feelings rush you into harm.

Three Blessings:

1. Trusting God brings protection.
2. Putting others first brings healing.
3. Delaying your response brings wisdom.

Surrender your emotions to Christ. Let the Holy Spirit guide your steps. Don’t just feel your way through life—faith your way forward.

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